I’m Doing This 4 Me!

Learning to choose myself so I can love others better

For most of my life, I measured my value by how much I could give to others. I showed up for my family, my friends, my partner, and even strangers who needed a shoulder or a hand, but rarely did I stop to ask if I was showing up for myself. I had grown so accustomed to putting everyone else first that I didn’t notice how little of me was left for me.

After the end of a six-year relationship, I was forced to face myself in a way I hadn’t before. The silence that followed taught me something I had ignored for years: if I wanted to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better mother, and eventually a better partner, I had to first learn how to be better to myself. That realization wasn’t born out of ease. It came from brokenness, confusion, and the kind of exhaustion that seeps into the soul. But it was the truth I needed to face.

Choosing me first has not been a selfish act. It has been a healing act. The more I began to make decisions rooted in my needs and my growth, the more I noticed something beautiful happening. I became more present with my loved ones. I listened differently. I laughed more genuinely. I loved more deeply, because I wasn’t loving from emptiness anymore. I was finally loving from overflow.

Building better relationships with myself opened the door to building better relationships with others. My family could feel the difference. My friends noticed it too. I had more patience, more empathy, and more space to give without resentment. I realized that in choosing me, I hadn’t turned my back on them. I had finally become the version of me they deserved all along.

This journey, though, has not been simple. There is no straight path to self-discovery or self-care. Life doesn’t hand us a roadmap. Our destinies aren’t always laid out the way we expect, and no matter how much we plan, we can’t predict the people we’ll meet or the challenges we’ll face. That unpredictability used to scare me. Now, I see it as part of the process. What matters is not knowing every turn ahead but being grounded enough to face each twist with clarity and courage.

I’ve learned to check in with myself before rushing into decisions. I ask myself if I have the time, the energy, the mental space to deal with what’s in front of me. And if I don’t, I give myself permission to pause. That permission has been life-changing. Instead of reacting out of exhaustion or frustration, I respond with thought and care. That practice has brought me closer to clarity, and it has allowed me to protect my peace even in the middle of storms.

Another lesson I’ve embraced is accountability. It’s not always easy to admit that sometimes I am the reason for my own struggles, that my choices and patterns have shaped my outcomes. But owning my part has been one of the most empowering steps I’ve taken. Accountability is not about blame. It is about freedom. When I accept my role in the story, I also accept my power to rewrite it.

Along the way, I’ve also had to face the hard truth that no matter how much I give, I will never be able to satisfy everyone. I can spend endless hours pouring into people, practicing self-care, and making myself available, and still, someone will feel like it’s not enough. That used to break me. Now, I understand that my worth is not tied to their expectations. I cannot live at the mercy of others’ approval. What I can do is remain grounded in who I am, rooted in my values, and committed to my own growth. That is enough. I am enough.

Being present for others while holding firm to my own boundaries has been a delicate balance. Sometimes it feels like walking a tightrope. But I’ve come to see that boundaries are not walls. They are bridges. They help me connect with people in ways that are healthy, sustainable, and loving. When I say no, I am not shutting someone out. I am protecting the best of me so that when I say yes, it comes from a place of truth.

I am still on this journey. Every day brings new challenges, new lessons, and new opportunities to choose myself. Some days I stumble. Some days I forget. But I always come back. Because I know now that the only way I can truly show up for the people I love is by showing up for me first.

Self-care has become my anchor. It doesn’t always look like bubble baths or spa days. Sometimes it’s journaling through tears. Sometimes it’s taking a walk to clear my head. Sometimes it’s saying no when I desperately want to say yes just to please someone else. And sometimes, it’s simply sitting in stillness, reminding myself that I am worthy of peace.

To anyone reading this who feels like choosing yourself is selfish, I want to tell you the truth: self-care is not selfish. It is survival. It is self-preservation. It is the only way we can keep giving, keep loving, and keep showing up in this world without losing ourselves.

So yes, I’m doing this 4 me. Not because I love others any less, but because I finally understand that in loving myself more, I can love them better. And I encourage you to do the same. Start today. Start small if you have to. But start. Because the best version of you, the one who is healed, whole, and at peace, is the version the world needs most.