Everybody's Problems Aren't My Problems

There comes a point in your life when you realize you've spent more time carrying other people's burdens than unpacking your own.

If you're anything like me, you've probably been the strong friend, the dependable family member, the problem solver, the fixer, the one everybody calls when life starts life-ing.

And for a long time, I wore that role like a badge of honor.

I thought helping people meant stepping in every time they struggled. I thought being supportive meant offering solutions before they even asked. I thought love looked like carrying other people's weight when they got tired.

But June's LYF Check challenge, Listen Before You Fix, and our EmpowerLYF challenge, Read the Results, reminded me of something I think many of us need to hear:

Everybody's problems aren't my problems.

Now before somebody gets in their feelings, let me be clear. This isn't about becoming cold, selfish, or disconnected.

It's about recognizing the difference between compassion and responsibility.

Just because I care about your struggle doesn't mean it's my assignment.

Just because I understand your pain doesn't mean it's my job to solve it.

Just because I can help doesn't mean I should.

Some of us have spent years rescuing people who never asked to be rescued. We've interrupted lessons they needed to learn. We've sacrificed our peace trying to create comfort for people who weren't willing to create it for themselves.

And if we're honest, sometimes helping becomes a distraction.

It's easier to focus on everybody else's issues than it is to deal with our own.

We stay busy fixing relationships that aren't ours, solving problems that aren't ours, carrying stress that isn't ours, and then wonder why we're exhausted.

The results are speaking.

Read them.

How many times have you lost sleep over someone else's decisions?

How many times have you worried more about someone else's future than they did?

How many times have you offered advice that was ignored, only to be frustrated when the outcome didn't change?

The result is exhaustion.

The result is resentment.

The result is burnout.

And that's not a sign that you're a bad person.

It's a sign that your boundaries may need some attention.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that people have the right to make choices I wouldn't make.

They have the right to ignore advice.

They have the right to learn lessons the hard way.

And they have the right to experience the consequences that come with those choices.

My job is not to prevent every storm.

My job is to decide whether I'm supposed to stand in the rain with them or simply remind them where the umbrella is.

Sometimes listening is enough.

Sometimes support is enough.

Sometimes saying, "I hate you're going through that," is enough.

Everything does not require a strategy session.

Everything does not require my emotional energy.

Everything does not require me.

This month, I want you to pay attention to the results in your own life.

Are you carrying responsibilities that don't belong to you?

Are you emotionally investing in situations you cannot control?

Are you trying to fix people who aren't trying to fix themselves?

If the answer is yes, maybe it's time to put some of that energy back where it belongs.

On you.

On your goals.

On your healing.

On your peace.

On your growth.

Because the truth is, when we spend all our time managing everybody else's lives, we often neglect our own.

And that's not love.

That's self-abandonment dressed up as responsibility.

This month, listen before you fix.

Read the results.

And remember that loving yourself first sometimes means recognizing that everybody's problems aren't your problems.

You can care without carrying.

You can support without saving.

You can love people without losing yourself.

And trust me, that's a lesson worth learning.

— Cree ColeFounder, LYF According 2 Cree

Live. Learn. Flourish.